Game 6: 4th Quarter Running Diary

In Uncategorized on May 1, 2009 at 4:44 am
If I was playing, this series would be over.

If I was playing, this series would be over.

Since it’s the fourth quarter of Game 6 and historic things happen in Game Sixes, I think a 4th Quarter Running Diary is in order.

Vinny Del Negro starts us off with a riveting interview. “You have to keep your emotions in check but you have to play the game the right way.” He’ll be here all week. Now back to Kevin Harlan and Doug Collins! (Doug, you should know that I’ll never forgive you for ruining Michael Jordan’s comeback with the Wizards. You’re basically dead to me. I want to get that out in the open now, so we’re on the same page.)

11:18 – Get outta Scal’s house! The Bulls literally cannot handle Scal, his red fro or his terrific white headband. The guy is just embracing his role as Token White Guy. He’s giving it 110%.

11:16 – Brad Miller with a couple F bombs. He’s not keeping his emotions in check Vinny.

10:41 – 14-3 run right now for the Bulls. That’s not good. 86-76 Bulls. A solid 10 point lead, and maybe we should keep the covers on the duckboats for right now.

10:14 – Thomas all alone for a vicious dunk. 88-76 Bulls. Uh oh.

9:51 – Big Baby assaulted by Brad Miller and Vinny doesn’t like it! See, if this was the NHL, Davis and Miller would just square off at the top of the key and get it over with. But it’s the NBA, so they’ll stop the clock and someone will probably miss a free throw or two. Ladies and gentlemen, the NBA!

9:16 – Uh oh, Twenty is heating up. He just buried a three over a helpless Kirk Hinrich, or as I like to call him, Jim Levenstein from American Pie.

8:39 – 89-81 Bulls. If you’re the Bulls, do not – DO NOT – let Ray Allen touch the ball right now. He’s scoring more right now than he did during his recruiting visit to Tech U.

7:10 – There’s Big Baby. 91-88 Bulls. 7-nothing run by Boston. Get it to Ray!

6:44 – YAAAAA. JESUS FOR 3!! And the game is tied at 91! What’d I say?? Get the damn ball to Twenty! 41 points and we’re back in this thing.

6:30 – Joakim Noah of the WNBA Chicago Sky with basket interference on a put-back that I could have made. Still tied up. He really bugs me.

6:02 – “Kendrick Perkins with a great cork-screw move!” What am I watching? Did I flip to Cinemax by accident? Anyway, Celts take the lead, 93-91.

5:27 – Kevin Harlan tells us that the Bulls haven’t scored in over 3 minutes. This makes me happy.

4:58 – Ben Gordon whistled for his 5th foul and cries to the referee because he can’t guard Ray Allen. And he kicks a cooler on the sidelines barely missing a Bulls towel boy! T him up! I’d be mad too if I was guarding someone so clearly superior to me. It happens Ben, walk it off. Ray makes the technical, and the C’s are up by 3.

3:40 – Perk to Pierce beyond the arc….YES! And the Celts go up by 8 as Pierce slides comfortably into his “yell at the ceiling and hop around” routine. Have I mentioned that I hate the “yell at the ceiling and hop around” move? Because I do.

3:35 – Is this commercial with Tracy McGrady, Shane Battier and Yao Ming supposed to be cool? Who thought that adding piano music to that McGrady-to-Battier-to-Ming clip would suddenly make it inspirational? Did someone get fired for that?

3:34 – I just thought about that commercial for the last minute and decided I can’t think of a less inspirational NBA clip than that one. Putting that piano music to a video of Scal reading a comic book on the can would be better than that last commercial. I can’t get over this.

2:50 – Derrick Rose with a terrifying layup. I think he took off from the foul line.

2:08 – John Salmons with a nice and-one and a shot to bring the Bulls within 3. After a close-up, I have to ask – are we sure his weird beard isn’t actually the patch of hair that is missing from the back of his head, just glued onto his face? Can someone check on this for me?

52.3 – Tony Allen in the game. That’s never good.

45.4 – And Allen immediately makes his presence felt by barely catching the rim on a painfully awkward layup. Is it possible to cut a guy during a game? Can we at least handcuff him to the bench? Please?

29.7 – Brad Miller ties it up on an impossible lay-in and then chest bumps Joakim Noah. That sequence of events literally couldn’t have been worse.

24.0 – Rondo with the ball. Let me guess – this is about to turn into a game of one-on-one featuring Paul Pierce vs. somebody, ending in a fallaway that will either go in and win the game (as it has the last couple times) or miss badly, resulting in the 1000th overtime of this series.

.05 – Bingo. Pierce iso, clean fallaway look, clank. Point 5 seconds left for the Bulls to work with, or we’re going to OT.

End Regulation – See you in overtime. Ugh. I either love Paul Pierce or he drives me up the wall.

(Climbing down from the wall).

5:00 OT – Here we go. Ernie Johnson tells us from Atlanta that he’ll throw us to the Portland-Houston game when “they’re done in Chicago. No telling when that might be.” You’re not kidding Ernie.

4:30 OT – Doug Collins points out that Rajon Rondo is dragging his right ankle and encourages Derrick Rose to find out how bad the ankle really is. I don’t want to hear that Doug, okay?

2:25 OT – Collins continues to talk about Rondo’s ankle while I slide all sharp objects under the couch.

2:14 OT – Brad Miller with 19 off the bench and he’s now dancing on the sidelines. It’s unbelievable how fast he’s become my least favorite player in the league. Other than Joakim Noah and Tony Allen, of course.

1:54 OT – Ben Gordon is still complaining to the refs. Did Coach Calhoun teach you to act like that at UConn Benny? Probably. And for the record, I feel like you shouldn’t be able to get huge tattoos on your biceps when your first name is “Ben.”

1:22 OT – Doug Collins is now talking about Tommy Heinsohn and Larry Bird. Much better Doug.

20.9 OT – Tie game, Rondo bringing it up. Let me go out on an absolute Redwood limb right now and guess that the ball is going to Pierce for another Iso fallaway with a possible spin move thrown in there.

8.0 OT – Ball to Pierce. Iso, Dribbling, Spin move! Fallaway! Air ball. Shocker. Why can’t I make “Paul Pierce End-of-Game Moves” prop bets in Vegas? I could retire right now.

0.0 OT – Andddd we’re going to another overtime. Do I actually want another overtime right now? I’m not sure I do. Also, the replay of Pierce’s One Move Part Deux showed a wide open Ray Allen streaking behind Pierce after his spin move. How does he not flip that ball to Ray for a shot at the winning 3? Seriously? I don’t think Ray Allen has missed tonight. I think he’s literally shooting 100% from the floor, with about 80 points and he hasn’t even started sweating yet. C’mon Paul. We know you’re the best player in the league, just give someone else a shot once in a while.

5:00 2OT – Here we go. Looks like Joakim Noah didn’t get a haircut during the break. That’s too bad, because I don’t hate anything as much as I hate his floppy ponytail. Oh, except for when the announcers mention his former pro tennis player dad, Yannick Noah. I hate that more.

2:29 2OT – The Celtics look exhausted. Please don’t let this go to a third OT.

2:17 2OT – Perkins with his 6th foul and he’s gone. That leaves our inside presence squarely on the shoulders of the guy who cried earlier in the year after KG yelled at him. Great. Are we sure Garnett can’t suit up for the last 2 minutes here? I think he’d be more effective playing in a wheelchair than Glen Davis at this point in double OT. Davis actually has a “One Overtime Maximum” clause in his contract. He’s literally about 2 cheeseburgers short of being declared “Physically Unable to Perform” in double overtime games.

2:00 2OT – Chicago up 3, 116-113. Look for Ray. I’m telling you. (Actually, I’m telling myself. I’m sitting on the couch, the players can’t hear me. But I did say it out loud, which is weird).

1:56 2OT – Scal just shot a 3 with 1:45 left in double overtime. Doug Collins says “You gotta love Scalabrine’s confidence here.” Uh, no Doug. I don’t love anything about the dead last guy off our bench firing 3 pointers in Double OT. That is definitely something I do not love.

1:43 2OT – Hinrich with a steal on an Allen loose ball. “Kirk put the Hinrich Manuever on him that time,” Doug says. Oh boy. How long have you been polishing that one Doug? Can someone check whether that’s Hinrich’s first steal of the game, because there’s no way Doug wanted to hang onto that gem until 1:45 in double overtime. He’s been sitting on that gold mine since last game, if not longer.

44.0 2OT – The Celtics are still down 3 here and I’m getting a little worried.

30.oo 2OT – And John Salmons bails us out with an ugly 3 attempt! Rebound by Pierce. Alright!

21.0 2OT – Ray Allen with an impossible fallaway over Joakim Noah’s outstretched feminine arms! I don’t believe it. That’s the longest 2 pointer ever. He is absolutely lights out right now. The ball should not leave his hands for the rest of the game.

This update from Richard Roeper’s Twitter – “Also: KG should sit the f— down and shut the f— up and show some class.” Um, I’m confused. That raises so many questions for me. 1) Why is Richard Roeper talking about sports? 2) Why is Richard Roeper dropping F Bombs on Twitter but then calling out KG for having no class? 3) How much money would I pay to watch KG fight Richard Roeper? 4) Most importantly, why do I follow Richard Roeper on Twitter? I don’t feel comfortable answering any of these questions, except of course number  3 ($10,000).

20:00 2OT – While the refs review whether Allen’s shot was a 3 or a 2 Doc Rivers is walking around with his hands up like someone just kicked a field goal. Doc, I don’t think that’s helping. But I love the effort.

16.9 2OT – Chicago inbounds pass to Miller, who’s fouled and will go to the line. In the next minute, Brad Miller will answer the question, “Do you have a pair?” I’d like to point out that in game 5 after Rondo buried him in the face and popped out one of his teeth, the answer to that question was clearly, “No, I certainly do not.”

16.9 2OT – Miller makes both. I’m still unconvinced. Celts down 3.

16.9 2OT – The ball has to go to Allen here, but I guarantee it goes to Pierce.

16.00 2OT – And it does. But he’s fouled, thank god, so the Celtics get another chance to do the right thing which is, of course, give the ball to Ray and get the bleep outta the way.


7.6 2OT – (Frantically googling “heart doctors, Beacon Hill, MA.)

7.6 2OT – TIE GAME. Ray Allen with 49 points and in the middle of one of the single greatest playoff performances that I can remember. Short of MJ, it might be the greatest.

End 2OT – Steal by Pierce. We’re going to 3OT. “I don’t even know what to say,” offers Collins. Well…can you try to think of something? I mean, isn’t that what they pay you for? Are you sure you don’t have a spiffy little pun you can dust off for the occasion? Not even something like, “And Paul just Pierced the heart of the Bulls?” Nothing? Okay fine.

5:00 3OT – Regardless of the outcome, this game has to be in the pantheon of all-time Celtics playoff games, doesn’t it?

3:16 3OT – Derrick Rose connects on an easy layup and then leaves his arm up in the classic MJ pose as Kevin Harlan has an orgasm. Derrick, don’t you think it’s a little too early in your career for the arm hang move? Especially in Chicago? When you have 6 rings we’ll talk.

2:25 3OT – Rondo’s layup is blocked by Diana Taurasi, er, Joakim Noah and the Bulls have the ball up 2 with 2:26 to go.

1:57 3OT – Ray with another impossible jumper. He’s got 51 on the night. No one on the Bulls can carry his jock right now. They shouldn’t be allowed near the thing.

1:15 3OT – Big Baby travels and turns the ball over. In a tie game. In triple overtime. With a minute left. I just threw up.

1:15 3OT – The camera cuts to KG who looks like he might actually kill Big Baby, and then it cuts back to Davis who has his head down and is steadfastly refusing to look at Garnett. Is he crying? He probably should be. In a series with 7 overtime periods so far, Garnett’s facial expressions from the bench are still the highlight. If I wasn’t on the verge of my fourth heart attack of the night I might think this was funny.

35.5 3OT – Lisa Leslie, I mean Joakim Noah, intercepts a lazy Paul Pierce pass and runs the length of the court for an and-one dunk. Hold on, let me get this straight: The Celtics have the ball with 40 seconds left in a tie game with a chance to win and everything looks good. Then, looking for Scal in the corner (Scal? Really? tell me Doc didn’t draw that one up) Paul Pierce immediately throws the ball away to my least favorite player in the league, and then chases him all the way down the court for absolutely no reason, commits a foul on a sure dunk setting up a 3 point opportunity, and fouls out in the process. I’m not even mad. That’s amazing. 

35.5 3OT – Now Sue Bird is screaming and handing out chest bumps to everyone on the Bulls bench as Doug Collins repeatedly explains why Paul Pierce shouldn’t have fouled in that situation. Thanks Doug. Dynamite drop-in. Really a virtuoso performance tonight.

35.5 3OT – I think the Celtics have to look for a quick 2 here.

28.8 3OT – Eddie Bleepin House! Welcome back Eduardo Casa! How did he not sneak behind the arc there though? I really hope that doesn’t come back to bite us.

28.3 3OT – Glen Davis blatantly fouls Brad Miller and then gives his best NBA-patented “Who me??” routine that occurs literally every single time there’s a foul in a game. Ever. I think Tim Duncan actually copyrighted that move though, so Glenny may owe him royalties. In any case, that was Davis’s 6th so he’s out. This game needs to end.

22.6 3OT – Hinrich could have just iced the game with a wide open layup and he misses! Unbelievable! This has to go down as one of the best playoff games of all time! Yet I’m still begging for it to end. If there’s one more 20 second timeout I’m going to lose my mind. How many does each team get in every new overtime period? Like 17?

16.7 3OT – One point game. Celtics ball. Heart attack city. Here we go.

7.0 3OT – Rondo rejected by Rose. Rose makes both. Looks like that’s the game. I don’t want to talk about it.

3.2 3OT – Rondo’s prayer falls short and that’ll do it in Chicago.

Final 3OT – What did I say about Boston sports game 6’s? That historic things tend to happen and that you should probably tune in? Was I right or was I right? The only thing that can be said is that if the Celtics had won, that game would at least be in the discussion of the greatest games in Boston sports history. And I would probably write another 2500 words about it right now. But since they lost, I’m going to bed. Big one for the B’s tomorrow. Cue the defibrillator.


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